she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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