im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
