we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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