Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
