My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
