Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
