i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
