super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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