Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
