This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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