Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I want to be your penis for a week.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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