Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
