My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
