I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
