Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
