Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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