Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My pussy is not your playground.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Such a big mess for such a small penis
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
