Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
