??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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