Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize