so explain again why im purple
no
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
