How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
