I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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