fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize