grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
