last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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