The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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