i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
