They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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