Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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