Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
