another moral hangover. fuck.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
ttyl tear gas
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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