so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
God, I missed his penis.
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