I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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