The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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