Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
