I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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