My liver just broke up with me...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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