i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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