margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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