Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
