oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
