How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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