I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
