How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize