walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
