I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
