so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
