worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
That reminds me...we need to get swords
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
