Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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