Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
