Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
