addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i barfeds in our rink
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
