Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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