Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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