Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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