East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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