I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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