She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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