I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize