woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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