Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
