Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
