I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
