can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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