my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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