anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
