they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
