she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
