i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
