Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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