Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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