everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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