he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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