How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
