your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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