Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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