Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize