Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
