I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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