Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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