Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
