And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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