So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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