I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
