Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is my life. Enjoy the view
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
