does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
