What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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