it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
