end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
where are my eyebrows?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
