You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
