There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
