so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
