omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize