Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
