someone get that fucking seahorse.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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