...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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