I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
