That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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