I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
