He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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