He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
