I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
